what men say about tender:
"I find it astonishing and heartbreaking that in the year 2005 we still need to campaign to prevent the violent abuse of women by some men. If the No Slap Just Tickle gig and the publicity it receives can change the attitudes of just one abusive man then we will all have spent our time and money well and wisely."
Kevin Day
"No nation is free of chauvinistic, violent men, and that is why we have to face up to them, it's about getting real and facing reality. No woman should need to run for refuge, this is terrorism, these are hate crimes. If the 'system' can't deal with these crimes against humanity, we have to change the 'system'. This should not been seen as revolutionary, this is just about caring for our neighbours, it's a community thing."
Benjamin Zephaniah - The War on Women
"99 per cent of him is a good man. The other 1% needs help and love."
"As my sister tried to explain the beatings, the fights, the bruises - I could feel the urges to punish. This was a man I had laughed with, cooked a meal for, and witnessed his marriage. I am not a fighter but I knew people who were. I wrestled with my instincts and centred my anger in supporting her; she needed trust and a person who would listen. I recognised her desire for love, that my nieces needed stability and slowly her realisation that only 100%of a good man is acceptable."
Daniel Rachel; singer and songwriter
"I don't think of women as precious little angels who have been the victims of nasty bad men. I don't have women up on a pedestal. Women can be cruel, petty, jealous; they can be strong, decisive, lustful and aggressive; they can be intellectual, philosophical, and above all, self-sufficient. I'm quite aware that my sisters are, to put it plainly, people.
I know plenty of women who have done truly cruel and unfair things to the men in their lives. But I know damned well that what men have done to women in the past and in the present, individually and collectively, has been far worse.
It is not enough for men to say: "But I'm not a rapist, so I'm not part of the problem." Many men, especially in school and college, live in "rape culture." For example, staying silent while your male friends get women drunk at a party in the hopes of reducing their inhibitions makes you complicit in date rape, brother. That may seem harsh, but the facts is that the most important thing men can do to change the culture is to continue to challenge each other. We do a great job of challenging each other athletically, economically, and professionally. We must do that in terms of how we interact with women.
(...) I'm not hard on men because I am filled with self-loathing. I'm not hard on men because I'm getting back at the bullies from school. I'm not hard on men because I'm gay, or because this male pro-feminist guise is a slick way to pick up women.
I'm hard on men because I believe that men can, individually and collectively, radically transform the way they view and treat women. Men need to be encouraged to do this work by other men, not just their mothers and their sisters. They need to see other men living out lives of justice.
They need to see men who are neither patriarchs or predators, but who are nonetheless strong, reliable, and profoundly masculine. And they need men like that to hold them accountable."
Professor Hugo Schwyzer
Make your voice heard. Tell us what you think by emailing home@tender.org.uk
To be silent is easy; to be tender is hard
